Teenagers want your guidance, but hate your advice. This is how to deal with the paradox

Picture this: You are explaining an important piece of oral health advice.  The parent is nodding along, eager and attentive. Meanwhile, the teenage patient is slouched in the chair, expression blank, eyes fixed firmly on the ceiling.

It may be tempting to assume the parent will relay the information at home and make sure it sticks. After all, they are in charge, right? But if the teenager isn’t engaged while you are speaking, they are likely to be even less receptive when it comes from their parent.

This is not about a lack of understanding or interest, but the result of a developmental tension called the paradox of independence. Recognising this can transform how you approach teenage patients.

The push–pull of adolescence

During adolescence, the urge for independence kicks into overdrive. Teens are trying to define who they are, separate from the authority figures in their lives, and learn to make their own choices.

At the same time, the teen years are challenging with heightened emotional reactions and a plethora of new experiences. On top of that, their prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for long-term thinking and impulse control—is still developing, making self-regulation and planning particularly difficult. 

This creates a paradox:

• They still depend on support and guidance from the adults in their lives.
• Their drive for independence makes them reject help from those very adults.